Conversations with Nicky - Volume I: It’s Monday, Monday, something something Funday.
Hey Nicky, what are you up to today?
Oh, you know, it’s Monday. Doing the ol’ Monday thing. You know.
No. I’m not entirely sure sure I do know.
Drinking! Duh!
Oh. Um. What are you drinking?
Wine Coolers. Fuzzy Navel. It’s peachy. You’re peachy. You’re kinda cute, did you know that?
Thanks?
You’re welcome. I guess that means I’m kind of cute, doesn’t it?
::shakes head::
Wanna sip?
No. Are you sure that’s a productive way to be spending your Monday?
Fuck it. I’m not working. The man won’t let me work. Stupid man. Being all man like.
Well, maybe instead of waiting on the man to call you with work, you can do some work yourself.
Pshaw! That’s absurd! Do… work? Like, what kind of work?
Oh, you know. You can write something.
Aren’t I doing that now?
Touche.
Touche indeed. I like that when you take the “e” out, it just says touch. Like, “Aw, I’m touched!” Or “Oh dear god, please don’t touch me there.”
You’re drunk.
No! I’m really not! I’ve only had 2 wine coolers!
Case. In. Point.
Dah! I gotta pee. Hold on a sec…. ok. Back.
Everything come out ok?
Oh yes! My pee is almost clear!
That’s because you’re drinking wine coolers. They are practically water.
Mmm… I wanna go swimming.
You can’t.
But why not?
Because you have to write, lazy ass.
Aw, but I don’t wanna! ::pout pout::
Too bad. Get yourself together woman!
OK! OK! I’ll write something! Sheesh! But, what should I write?
Maybe you can write that Schindler’s Dinner List sketch.
I’m not feeling particularly anti-semitic today though.
Ok, what about that 16 and Pregnant parody?
Can’t I just do this for the next hour?
You mean talk to yourself like a crazy person?
Sure! I mean, lotsa people are crazy. Hell, even you are. I have on good authority that you talk to yourself too.
Ok. I’m going to go now. Clearly this is not to be productive for any of us.
Wait!
What?
I’m lonely. It’s all lonely in this apartment.
You liar. You know as soon as I go away, you’re just going to pull up something on Spankwire.
Heh. Yeah. You’re right. Hold on. I gotta pee again.
Again!?
Ok back.
You pee really fast.
Yeah, I don’t like to stand on ceremony. Or wash my hands.
Gross.
They get dry!
Then use lotion!
Then they get all moist!
::sigh:: Sooooo… can I go now?
Take a shot with me.
Of a wine cooler?
Er. Sure! Why not! Or should I say WINE not. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
I think you’ve had enough. I’m going.
Wait! Tell me a story!
Seriously? Well. Ok. There once was a girl named Nicky.
Was she a princess?
Yes. She was a princess. Princess Nicky was a stranger in a distant land. And instead of being productive, she spent her Monday afternoon getting drunk off of wine coolers, thus resulting in her death.
Hm. I’m not sure if I’m following you or not, but…. are you trying to tell me something?
Goodbye Nicky.
Wait! Nicky! Don’t go! Hello?…..
….
….
….
Are you still here? Well, might as well watch porn. ::pulls up Spankwire::
I KNEW IT! I knew that’s what you’d do!
Yay! Does that mean you’re staying?
::sigh::
