Conversations with Nicky - Volume II: It’s Tuesday and I may just be insONmia something.
Good morning Los Angeles. This is how I feel about you.
http://grooveshark.com/#/s/At+My+Most+Beautiful/1Y16m3?src=5
So what your saying is, you drunk dial every 818 number you can think of.
How does that even make any sense?
“I leave you messages just to hear your voice.” That’s a weird habit to have to call all those people. I figured they’d be drunk. You’d. You’d be drunk.
Are you drunk?
Psh, I wish! I gots the insomnia brah!
Hey, that’s not so bad. As long as you’re being productive.
Huh.
You are aren’t you? Being productive?
Does this answer your question?
I hope you don’t get in trouble hanging out on the fire escape. Are you on the phone? Who are you talking to?
Oh you know, my bitches and hoes.
So… Mom?
Yeah.
Well, that’s a lovely REM song.
Yeah! It reminds me of this dude I dated in college. He was like, way old (26) and looked like the Verizon Wireless guy. He made me a mix cd with this on it and a bunch of sappy indie love songs. He called it “gentle music.” Yeah, more like “pu—
****This part of the post had to be removed given the direction of current language usage****
Nonetheless, he did introduce me to Star Wars. And Laser Disk. At the same time! And grown men who wear tighty whiteys.
So you must have been together a long time?
Oh god no. He dumped me the day after he gave me the mix CD.
Ouch. Hey, didn’t you meet him at work?
Yeah. Apparently the charm of me singing “I Got You Babe” Cher-style as I checked out his groceries at Super Target didn’t last very long.
Oh Nicky, you certainly know where to find them.
Hey! I’d like to think I have a relatively average normal way of courting a man.
And that’s another thing. You say things like “courting” and “blouse.” What’s that all about?
I’m genteel. Leave me alone.
Remember that time you picked up that 18 year old boy when you were helping teach his Orientation at Universal? And you got the nickname “The Puma” at the office.
Hey now. I didn’t know he was only 18. Plus he was a total stud. Even my boss-lady said so.
Or what about the time you asked out that pharmacy technician? You wrote him a prescription for a date! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Ahh, good times. Oh, thanks for reminding me, b-t-dubs. He never called me. I was so awkward the next month when I went in for my refill.
Aw, it wasn’t you Nicky.
You think?
Oh god no. Yes, it was definitely you. You’re a big creeper weirdo!
What!? No! I’m just creative!
OK, have you or have you not done the following things when wooing a dude? 1. Gone out of your way to open the door for them all gentleman-like.
That’s just manners. I believe in equality.
2. Called them “muffin” “pookie” and “my little smoops moops poops a-loops” as terms of endearment.
Again, see above. We’ll call it a sort of… Reverse Men’s Suffrage Movement.
So, you’re treating men the way they used to treat women back in the day? Chivalrous, kind, affectionate and all that?
Yes. Wait, what? Now I’m getting all confused.
::sigh:: The point is, you can be a bit odd is all.
I’d like to think it’s somewhat endearing, no?
Nope. Just odd.
Ok, I can settle for that.
Hey look! You’re making a post! You were productive after all!
Woohoo! Party! ::snores::
Aw, poor thing. She probably doesn’t remember that she has to go to work in an hour. Well, let her sleep. And in the meantime. YOU’RE ALL MINE!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! ::thunder crashes::
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::cough cough:: Well, that was exciting. Now what’s on the agenda…
Oh right. Work. Bummer. Well kids, till next time. This is Nicky signing off. Goodnight and good luck. Er… Good morning and good luck.
